Thursday, April 4, 2013

San Fernando Valley Spanking Songs

The Man from Van Nuys

I once knew a man from Van Nuys
Who, strangely enough, had seven wives
And every wife carried seven switches
Which Hubby used to tame dem bitchez
I told this man "You sound great!
Can I be wife number eight?"

The Encino Chick

There once was a chick from Encino
In love with a surfer named Stevie-rino
But he vowed to make her bottom sore
After she smoked up all the weed he scored
So over his knees Stevie flipped her
And with a boogie board he whipped her
Which made her love him all the more!

The Naughty "Val" from Sherman Oaks

There once was a "Val" from Sherman Oaks
Who to stay home from high school played a hoax
By falsely claiming diarrhea
So she could hang out all day at the Galleria

After her Mom left for work
She put on a teeny-tiny miniskirt
And a tubular top totally tight
And painted her toenails nice and bright
Off to the mall she did drive
In a '76 Pinto, her bitchin' ride

But at the jewlery store her nerves got rattled
When her college-aged sister's friend threatened to tattle
To buy her silence to this girl she entrusted
Costume ear rings glass diamond encrusted
But, to the Val's surprise, the girl shouted "Busted!"

When the mall cop came the girl shouted "Hey."
"This chick shoplifted. Take her away."
The poor little Val began to cry
"Oh please 'Mr. Mall Cop' can't you let it slide?"

So the mall cop called her Mom instead
Who arrived at the security office with a face flushed red
For showing mercy the cop was thanked
Then Mom told daughter she would be spanked
She shouted "No way Mom, I'm too old for that!"
To which Mom replied with a grim little laugh

So in her Pinto she followed Mom home
But she couldn't help but let her mind roam
To the wooden paddle she soon would sample
Suffering a whipping more than ample

Did this experience prove a blessing
By teaching this chick a good lesson
That it's not cool to skip school
By playing Mom for a fool?

Sad to say it did not
For Vals rarely do what they 'ought
So Mom to continued to heat the seat of daughter's saddle
With her totally awesome paddle!

1 comment:

  1. I was born in Van Nuys and grew up in Sherman Oaks. Spent many happy hours as a Val in the Galleria. These folks could have been my neighbors! Who knew? Very amusing, Claire.